for only a moment

11:05 and I’m wondering if the girls are asleep. It’s been late nights around here, even though school has started. They don’t get up til 8:15 or so, I’m guessing. I’m not here. Because people, I have a job.

Not a job in which I teach children apparently. But a job. Anyway, the teaching children part comes later. This part is the testing of new students, forms for all students and trainings and meetings oh joy! 

Anyway, this in not going to be about work, so let’s move on. Right, 11:05 and not sleeping. The girls were so good tonight while daddy was at bowling. We were just hanging out, watching some Toot and Puddle and SuperWhy, and then they played in Clara’s room. I should have put them down earlier, but they weren’t bothering me and they weren’t crying and they’d already eaten and bathed, and had jammies. So… 5 minutes turned into 30…

They are doing well, in spite of the upheaval of staff at their preschool. At least they are returning to classes they sort of never left. They went 2 half days each week in the summer. Hannah of course loves it and so does Clara although her transition has been marked by more difficulty settling to sleep at night. Hannah will really love kindergarten next year. I wonder where we’ll send her?

I’m planning to meet my mom and sisters in law for a girls weekend/mother daughter bonding weekend. I’m really excited. Seems far away still, but the four and half weeks will pass quickly.

My wonderful husband brought me tacos so time for me to and brave the hallway, hoping no one notices I left the bedroom!!

So summer is almost over. We had planned to be on vacation this week and then later decided to spend the money towards our new kitchen instead. Oh did I mention we’re re-doing our kitchen during the first weeks back to school. Awesome. And not so much with the timing.

Oh well. 

This summer has been so easy with the girls. I took a class. But other than that, we spent our days at the water park and playing with legos.  Or toothpicks. Or foam packing bits that fell out of the attic. Whatever was available really, and bonus if it made a big mess.

But we’ve had fun. And it’s simple fun. I am amazed at how little it takes for my girls’ imaginations to take off. Clara echos Hannah’s sentences so well that she can now finish the sentence for Hannah. Also, Clara detests transitions with the will power of a mule. No. No. Three more minutes. Squeal. No. Then "Waaaaaaaahhhhhh!" when it really is time for whatever is next, whether that thing is fun (nap) or not fun (going somewhere). I think I switched those around. No matter. She protests with the same tenacity either way. 

Today I had Hannah’s hair cut. Clint hates it. I like it. I think it’s an improvement from the shaggy bangs and grown out "short" hair cut look she was rocking before. This time I will let it grow because I’ve gotten her to let me brush it everyday as long as I spray conditioner in it first. 

And now can I just say how much I really don’t want to go back to school? I love my job, but this is better. 

Yesterday Clint was shaving and Hannah was watching. He asked if he should shave it shorter and she said yes. When he was done, she said, "You look different. But you’re still my dad."

I spent my Saturday night with Clara while Clint took Hannah to a coworker’s daughter’s birthday party. It was a peaceful evening, and I got a chance to really see Clara’s developing thought processes and language. She says two word phrases all the time, "Dad’s bike," "Mama come," "Iwanna come" "Want shoes," "Brush hair," "Eat pizza," and much more.

We stayed home from the party because Clara’s been having a bad bout of diarrhea. Hannah has too, but she goes in the toilet, so it doesn’t sit on her skin. Clara’s got a horrible rash. I wasn’t sure what to do about the diarrhea or the rash so I did some research…a bit of a refresher course in possible causes and treatment. I’m feeling a lot better about it now. Also, I haven’t give Clara any cow’s milk and she’s only had one diarrhea diaper since she came home from Clint’s parent’s house.

I find myself often overwhelmed from keeping up at work and at home. Well, trying to keep up. So much doesn’t get done. But I’m trying to take it day by day, minute by minute. It’s not as bad as last year, but it’s not as good as the summer. Maybe once I start seeing students, it will improve. Also I should get into more of a routine. As the girls are adjusting more to their new situation, they are becoming easier to be with in the evening. It’s that working mom thing where you feel like you are no longer the expert on your kids because you’ve been away from them all day so when they freak out or act out or come down with something, you question yourself while trying to deal with it. It’s hard. Some women probably feel more comfortable working. Maybe I do for the long term. But day to day, it’s easier to know my focus if I’m home. Not that I don’t like my new job–I do. It’s a great group of ladies and a few men to work with. I like the building, the staff, my room. I miss my old students though. I think about them all the time and wonder how they’re doing.

This week I had a training at work and one night we had parents’ night. I had a meeting for the Spanish-speaking parents. I had a low turnout, but I didn’t mind because I was nervous about giving the entire presentation in Spanish. It ended up that I did ok, and I was really proud of myself. I’ve been helping several parents get what they needed for their kids at school, so I feel good about that. I’m just bored not working with students. There’s so many forms at the start of the school year. And since I’m not working with students, I’m not getting to know them. I really prefer junior high age kids like I had last year. But eventually I will get to know the students I’ll have.

Time for a snack.

I cannot believe how much time has already gone by this summer. Many days, it seems like we don’t do anything special… but I am enjoying being here for the everyday stuff too.

 

 I like watching the girls do everything together. I feel like I don’t spend much time actually *with* them, because I’m making lunch, doing laundry, doing dishes, getting someone dressed, changing a diaper, cleaning up this, sorting that..

 

I like being there to help them find the words to settle disagreements. I like being the one to explain to Hannah what Clara wants, or why something happened. I like being the one to give Hannah strategies she can use when she needs her own space. I like being the one to correct Clara because she gets so upset at disappointing me. I can be as gentle or as firm as she needs me to be in the moment.

 

 

 I like seeing Clara’s sense of discovery in simple things. She is talking more, putting two words together. I like being with her because I’m understanding almost everything she says. I’m seeing her intelligence and her comprehension of situations. Before, when I worked all the time, I didn’t understand as easily what she was saying.

 

 

 I like seeing Hannah’s consternation as when she truly focuses on something. Clint said he thinks Hannah’s getting smarter. I said, "That’s what happens when she’s home with me for 2 1/2 weeks." At first I was joking… but then I realized it’s true. Even though I’m doing all that other stuff, I’m talking to her the whole time. She’s thinking, talking back, playing, and developing her ideas about the world.

 

I get to be the one to calm her down when she’s upset. I like helping her connect her upset to other things that she has come through successfully. I like teaching her how to talk to other people in an appropriate way, rather than her demanding, irate, way. I get to witness her pride when she knows she’s said the magic word or used the respectful tone of voice.

 

 

I get to be the one to introduce new activities we’ve never done together before this summer. I get to broaden their horizons, and make them feel confident to go forward with new and different risks. They know I’m there, supporting them whether they fail or succeed.  It’s a special feeling, and a special time.