for only a moment

11:05 and I’m wondering if the girls are asleep. It’s been late nights around here, even though school has started. They don’t get up til 8:15 or so, I’m guessing. I’m not here. Because people, I have a job.

Not a job in which I teach children apparently. But a job. Anyway, the teaching children part comes later. This part is the testing of new students, forms for all students and trainings and meetings oh joy! 

Anyway, this in not going to be about work, so let’s move on. Right, 11:05 and not sleeping. The girls were so good tonight while daddy was at bowling. We were just hanging out, watching some Toot and Puddle and SuperWhy, and then they played in Clara’s room. I should have put them down earlier, but they weren’t bothering me and they weren’t crying and they’d already eaten and bathed, and had jammies. So… 5 minutes turned into 30…

They are doing well, in spite of the upheaval of staff at their preschool. At least they are returning to classes they sort of never left. They went 2 half days each week in the summer. Hannah of course loves it and so does Clara although her transition has been marked by more difficulty settling to sleep at night. Hannah will really love kindergarten next year. I wonder where we’ll send her?

I’m planning to meet my mom and sisters in law for a girls weekend/mother daughter bonding weekend. I’m really excited. Seems far away still, but the four and half weeks will pass quickly.

My wonderful husband brought me tacos so time for me to and brave the hallway, hoping no one notices I left the bedroom!!

So summer is almost over. We had planned to be on vacation this week and then later decided to spend the money towards our new kitchen instead. Oh did I mention we’re re-doing our kitchen during the first weeks back to school. Awesome. And not so much with the timing.

Oh well. 

This summer has been so easy with the girls. I took a class. But other than that, we spent our days at the water park and playing with legos.  Or toothpicks. Or foam packing bits that fell out of the attic. Whatever was available really, and bonus if it made a big mess.

But we’ve had fun. And it’s simple fun. I am amazed at how little it takes for my girls’ imaginations to take off. Clara echos Hannah’s sentences so well that she can now finish the sentence for Hannah. Also, Clara detests transitions with the will power of a mule. No. No. Three more minutes. Squeal. No. Then "Waaaaaaaahhhhhh!" when it really is time for whatever is next, whether that thing is fun (nap) or not fun (going somewhere). I think I switched those around. No matter. She protests with the same tenacity either way. 

Today I had Hannah’s hair cut. Clint hates it. I like it. I think it’s an improvement from the shaggy bangs and grown out "short" hair cut look she was rocking before. This time I will let it grow because I’ve gotten her to let me brush it everyday as long as I spray conditioner in it first. 

And now can I just say how much I really don’t want to go back to school? I love my job, but this is better. 

So umm. What’s up. Not much is new here. I have been working on some blog posts in Word the last few nights because I’m trying something new with Clara and bedtime. We were still having issues with security and fear and hysterical crying and vomiting all over the place… so …. Yeah. That Columbus day blog just below this one…that time we were having the same types of issues but Clara was in a crib… so that changed how I was able to reteach sleep skills. Now she’s in her crib but with the side off. Ever since Spring Break we’ve been battling this because on vacation, we all slept together in the same room, which was her heart’s desire to continue. Ever since, she doesn’t fall asleep on her own. She has to have you sitting with her, rocking her, or just being there. Her pediatrician just says to let her cry. That would also be the most commonly given advice…but the vomiting…

Honestly, if she’s so terrified that she cries hysterically enough to vomit within 2 minutes and 28 second of being left alone, then perhaps Ferberizing her isn’t the route to go. So I decided to teach her sleep skills and give her confidence instead of fear and abandonment. 

I’ve been sitting, first by her bed, then in her rocking chair, now in the hallway, with the door open, next up will be just inside my bedroom with both doors open, then on the foot of my bed, then fully in my bed. Each stage is 5 days or a week then moving back a little more. The beauty of sitting in the hallway and every stage after this one is that I can blog, browse the internet, or whatever on my computer for the 20 minutes it’s been taking her to fall soundly and securely to sleep. I don’t mind the time to reflect on the day and I’m really happy that I have found a way to help her go to sleep which doesn’t include me rocking her like a baby, nor her crying to the point of vomiting. She feels secure, loved, safe, confident, and capable. Yay.

Yay for Columbus. It means no work for me today. I’m just chillin’ at home with the girls today. It’s like stepping back into summer cause it’s so warm. Although none of us is in that routine anymore. Clara’s got something again…runny nose, warmish, stinky poos, cranky.

She’s had another bout of throwing up in bed in the last couple weeks–a couple nights here and there where she cries and throws up. It seems to help to limit her milk intake before sleep. Also having to re-teach sleep routines and good sleep habits. One night I was putting her to bed and tired of going in and out and so I stayed in and rocked her to sleep. My foot fell asleep. I was exhausted and fell asleep in the rocking chair too… Then woke and stood to put her in her crib. My leg dropped out from under me and I almost dropped her. My foot hurt really badly and I was trying to be quiet while I leaned on her crib and laid her down. Then I hobbled to my bed and cried while my foot turned purple. I thought maybe I broke it but the ER trip the next day revealed no broken bones. I guess it’s only sprained. It still hurts to walk on, but what can I do? Can’t lay around all the time. Last night was another bad night of sleep. Not sure if she’s got an ear infection, teething, or just doesn’t want to fall asleep alone.

What else? Went to the dentist and got my trays again. I hate invisilign. I remember now why I quit wearing them. They hurt. They are a pain. Glad I only have 5 months of them this time. Then never again.

Took the girls to the apple festival in Long Grove a week ago. Fun times. Then yesterday we went to the petting zoo and pumpkin patch. Afterwards we went to a little airport by us to eat lunch. The girls were entertained with the planes taking off and landing while we waited for our food and ate. My dad has flown into this airport a few times when my parents have visited, so we’d been there before. Was strange to be there without meeting anyone. I have pictures on my smugmug, but it’s password protected now. I have been feeling like it’s time to limit who can see what because the girls are getting older. I still want pics out there so family and friends  can see but don’t want total strangers perusing. Send me an email or message to view. I did put them on Facebook because it’s more private than here.

Clara is talking so much. I’m so bad about recording what she says. She picks up a lot from Hannah. I’m going to watch her this afternoon with a notebook and pen in hand to record what she says. Will share later.

Well, I’m exhausted. I was up with Clara from 2:30-5 am, and then Hannah got up at 5:15 to pee and ask for milk. I think now that they are asleep for nap, I better rest myself.

I’ve felt the need to reflect for a few days now… I’m into the fourth week of school.

I would have expected to be working with students more. I had a meeting all afternoon Monday, most of the morning Tuesday, and one more all morning tomorrow. This RtI thing–it’s complicated and requires a lot of training. I am a little frustrated about losing so much time with students. I have two students at one school who are in third grade and brand new to the county. I only see them 2 days a week, half days. The other bilingual teacher sees them when I’m not there. And I’ll be getting one student straight from Mexico in first grade at my main school. I’m not sure how to teach a student English from ground zero. I feel like I should know–isn’t that what I do? But I don’t.

I had one student before who had no English when she came in 2nd grade. I don’t know if I taught her anything or not. She’s in 5th grade now. I see her the two afternoons I’m at my other school. She had a rough year last year and because of issues beyond her control, didn’t make as much progress as I would hope. Worse, she almost completely refuses to speak Spanish with me. I am worried the same thing could happen to my other brand new three. I don’t know where to start with teaching them English. School is such an ordeal for them now that they’ll soon develop the ability to tune out like other ELLs in the regular classroom.

I wish our district had a T.B.E. program that included sheltered instruction so that new arrivals are actually out of the regular classroom for a good chunk or all of their day. But it is not so. A colleague sent me some questions to reflect on and answer for one of her ELL endorsement classes. It made me think about the weaknesses and strengths of the program structure.

Since then, I have felt a little hopeless regarding the difference I hoped to make. Things at home are…okay…I guess. The girls have adjusted pretty well to their school. It is definitely Hannah’s cup of tea–the Montessori school they go to. Clara usually cries at drop off, but she is a very busy girl once she gets over her separation anxiety. Clint is taking them around between 9 and 9:30, and I pick them up between 3 and 4, so their day isn’t as long as many kids in daycare. Plus it’s the right type of environment for them. Even Clint says he notices that they are learning things they weren’t getting at their sitters’ before.

Nights are so busy. I’m so tired. It’s just a state of being. I barely do any work after arriving home so I’m kind of behind on the paperwork and quite disorganized. But I’m maintaining. And I’m not as tired or exhausted as I was last year. Nor as overwhelmed. I haven’t taken any new pictures of the girls. Need to do that. Clara’s hair is getting longer, and less dry like baby fuzz/hair and more like toddler hair. She’s hit a language boom. She went from two word utterances to complete sentences. Her pronunciation is very toddler-ish and she is sometimes hard to understand. She does say three and four word sentences. It’s pretty amazing. I often forget that she is not even 2 yet.