garden
I got the remaining 3 Cora Vincas planted today. It was too wet to continue digging with all the rain we had last night and yesterday. I can’t believe my daisy patch is coming up because it has been flooded. Also we melted old crayons. The girls weren’t as enthralled as I had hoped they’d be. Maybe they are too young. I made tacos and guacamole for dinner. First time I used cilantro from my planter on the patio. Mmmm. Now I need something to watch on hulu while I sip my mojito to wind down.
back in chi-town
I should have grabbed my camera card before I sat down. Maybe later. I have lots of cute pictures to upload of the girls and their cousins from our recent trip to Kansas. The trip went well despite the fact that we went for a sad reason. More than sad. I had hoped to spend more time reminiscing with friends about our loss and about the happy times, but it was not to be… We did spend a lot of time with my brother and his wife, which is always fun, and this trip was a particular comfort.
This evening we worked on the flower garden, replacing the fabric and wood chips. We got 3 bushes and I had purchased 4 kinds of flowers earlier in the day.
Tomorrow I am taking the girls to my classroom to finish cleaning it and checking out for summer. I hope they are good. If so, we’ll play on the playground a while. Guess that’s about it.
Seems I make it through the day alright, but then when I sit down to reflect, all the problems I have seem small in comparison to what Maria’s family is going through. It saddens me.
sadness
Hmm. I spent most of today’s meeting distracted by my own thoughts. Those of you who know me probably already know why. I have been numb since my mom called me with the bad news Saturday night.
So many memories creep into my head at inopportune times. I know that this loss is so much bigger for many other people and my sadness for them overwhelms my heart.
The last time we spoke I didn’t say what I would have wanted to say. I know she can see into my heart now and know that, but still, it saddens me.
Someone told me today that she’s in a better place. While said with good intentions, how that falls on the ears of someone who has lost someone…it doesn’t come out how it is intended. I will never say that to someone who has lost a loved one. She may be in a better place. But her children, they are not. And will not ever be. Her parents who have to live with losing a daughter before her time, they are not in a happier place. Her sisters. No. Her friends. No. We are all in a sadder place.
winding down
Tomorrow I am rearranging my classroom. It’s the last Friday of school this year. Then we go full days Monday and Tuesday then a half day Wednesday, although students only attend 1 hour on Wednesday. Today I did all my progress reports. Still need to proof them and pass them out. Also the checklist for the mentoring program. And the end of the year conference with the principal to "reflect".
I registered for a class tonight, the last one for my endorsement. It is from 5:30 to 9:00 two nights a week. Clint will have having the girls by himself two nights a week. They will go to preschool two mornings a week so I can do my homework. We’re planning a camping trip to a lake in Missouri with my brother and his family. Other than that, our summer is pretty much wide open. Oh, I’m potty training Clara the first couple weeks (hopefully she doesn’t thwart my plans. I’m tired of buying diapers!).
Clara begged today to go to the pool on our way home. She wanted to go on vacation to the pool and hot tub place. Spring Break at Great Wolf Lodge. She was super tired and cranky tonight. Hyper tired. Still making noise in her bed now. It’s 10:01. Yeesh.
So I really want to go out to the city to celebrate the end of the year. Most of my partying buddies hate going to the city for the expense but I like it. Not the expense, just the going out downtown. I’d love to go tomorrow night but probably would be more fun the following Friday when school is actually out, or sometime after that.
The year has been good. Much like other first years in other places, with regard to being the new kid on the block. I am slow to make friends, or at least to feel like we are more than friendly coworkers. I really miss the teachers I grew close to at my old district. And the students. I like junior high better. I like having my own classroom. I like being seen as an actual teacher rather than mistaken for an aide. But I also like leaving work at work at 3:00 instead of bringing as much home. I like leaving and not looking back. But I miss my connections with coworkers and students. I miss feeling like I make an actual difference. It’s a lonelier job. For a loner. It’s good for now when the girls are young and I need to be able to walk out of the room and focus on being a mom at home. My spanish is a lot better this year as I don’t have anyone to rely on to communicate with parents. I’m the one calling for other teachers and translating. I hope my Spanish doesn’t fade dramatically during the summer. I listen to a lot of music in Spanish so that will help. I don’t have time to take a second class, otherwise I’d take a Spanish class.
I’m looking forward to the summer to get the girls back into sleeping better (always a battle here, with the night wakings). I’m looking forward to getting more sleep myself. To having time to meet friends for lunch, having the energy to take the girls on outings, to swim, play, bike ride, go to the library and zoo with them. To share experiences and moments and get to know each other in a new way again. Now as toddlers/young children. Not babies. And naps. I’m looking forward to those too.
Yay summer 
