Um, so we’ve given Clara a few bottles, but for the most part she’s still nursing. In fact she didn’t have a bottle at all last night and has gone 24 hours without supplementation with formula.
Today Hannah comes home. Clint asked me what my plans are with feeding when Hannah is here. I don’t have plans….other than to nurse as much as I can, as much as taking care of two girls will afford.
Clint got out the bottles last night. I am emotional over the whole thing. Clara prefers mama’s milk to formula. But my body may take 2 to 4 days to catch up to her demand. And there are positives and negatives to nursing and bottle feeding. It is rigorous to try to nurse for so long at once. My body doesn’t have time to replenish. I don’t have time to sleep, or make a meal. And the peace on her face when he finally gave her a bit of formula… it sucks to watch your kid hungry and and frantic.
Eventually, it will diminish my supply. It’s already making it hard for her to know how to nurse. She doesn’t get frustrated when I get ready to nurse, but she has trouble latching on correctly, so the pain that was going away is coming back. She gets on, but then pulls her head back so just the nipple is in her mouth like the bottle, and then she can’t get any milk out…
I guess we’re transitioning to bottles. She can drink 2 oz. of formula in 4 minutes if hungry, and then burp for 15 or 20 minutes… that’s 24 minutes instead of an hour and then she’s full instead of still hungry. That will definitely be more manageable when Hannah comes home. And Hannah will be able to help once Clara doesn’t choke from the faster flow of the bottle.
However, she prefers the taste of milk to formula. She makes a little face when you finish a feeding with a little bit of formula. I know I could pump and let her have bottles of milk, the best of both worlds. But ultimately, that will be more difficult than nursing to manage with 2 kids. I’ll be feeding Clara, then pumping, and still unable to focus on Hannah or involve Hannah in household tasks. And there’d be even less sleep for me.
Also, I worry that the formula will give Clara gas, or make her spit up if not burped well enough, and may make her constipated. That happened with Hannah. She would cry and cry before she pooped. We tried Karo syrup in the bottles. It didn’t help the constipation.
I guess my best hope right now is to continue nursing for as long as I am making milk. It will help her body digest some of the formula, it will help her poop, and it will give her antibodies for as long as it lasts. I will live with the leaky nipples, latching pain, and engorgement. It’s better than having a hungry baby who can’t rest.
Down the road, bottle feeding will afford me more freedom. It will allow Dad and Hannah to feed her and bond with her that way. Also, we’ll be able to leave both girls with Grandma and Grandpa or a trusted babysitter for more than an hour. I can spend time focusing on Hannah while Clara is in the care of someone else.
I know that I can’t make the bottle or breast decision with only myself in mind. I had hoped it would go better and longer than my first attempt. I feel a little like a failure. But I have to think of my whole family, not just Clara, and not just myself. So if the combination works for a while, and gives her digestive system time to mature, then it’s the best I can do.
Right now I feel sad, but that too shall pass.
Clara is now almost 9 days old. She nurses almost all the time. I am wondering how I will manage that when Hannah comes home. Clara is most certainly getting enough to eat,if her diapers are any indication. She is a happy baby, so far always consolable with nursing if nothing else works. I am not getting much of anything done except what I can do one handed and sitting down. Most days have afforded me a more predictable schedule with more free time than today has. Today, she has nursed almost constantly since 2 pm. It is now almost 7 pm. She has not slept more than 20 or 30 minutes at a time. Just long enough for me to lay down and begin to drift off before she starts crying. Clint always picks her up, but she is not comforted by swaddling, nor by bouncing, or being talked to. Only sleeping at the breast. I think she is too tired to get a good meal, and too hungry to get a good nap… not sure how to break the cycle.
Arrived Thursday Jan 18th at 7:39pm, she weighed 6lb 11oz and was 19in long. We’re home now and all doing well.
